Faking It

Have you ever faked it? Like convinced people you were ok just to keep the peace, to not cause a problem. I know this all to well. Most of my childhood, I faked it. I pretended to be someone I was not just to keep the peace, to please my parents, to be a good Christian girl.

It’s exhausting. One day I woke and decided I wasn’t going to fake it anymore. So, I started the work, the process of finding out who I really was as a person. 

I thought I knew what I wanted for a very long time. I went after it, I lived and breathed it, but when it didn’t work out, I was lost, frustrated and angry. I had to go through all this heartache to realise that what if what I wanted or thought I wanted wasn’t what I needed at all? How do you know what you need? Well, my first guess would be to stop faking it, to finally open up and start being honest with yourself.

This doesn’t mean you won’t need to fake it a bit to get yourself through something.

Am I still faking it a bit?  Yes, I am, right now, I am faking my life here in Frankfurt (more on this later)  I convince myself every day that this is the place for me for now so I can get myself up and out of bed to get shit done. They say fake it until you make it, and, in all honesty, I think this may be the way forward when you are out of your comfort zone.

But when it comes to denying who you are as a person to please someone else, this is not beneficial to anyone, especially you. Faking who you really are only damages you, not the other person. So how can you stop faking it?

STEPS TO STOP DENYING YOURSELF

Well, the first step, be honest with yourself. Love yourself. Stop apologizing for who you really are. Accept yourself. Yes, this may mean disappointing a loved one or a friend, but if they are unwilling to accept the real you, then they have a lot of work to do themselves or they are not your kind of person. You’re kind of people will acceptt you for who you are.

But it is crucial for you to first accept yourself as you are and then find out who the person you have been hiding really is. It’s time to start really experiencing life as you. Find out what you want, ask yourself what you like, where you would like to go, what excites you. It may be that what you were doing before will no longer serve you, but this is ok, you are growing into the person you are meant to be.

The journey to becoming the true you isn’t an easy one. You must put in the work, ask the hard questions, get the help you need and sit with yourself long enough to find out. Sound daunting? Maybe at first, but once you become your best friend, it truly becomes fun. You begin to trust yourself, you become more joyful, you may smile more and you just might find that peace you’ve been looking for. Sound pretty good, no?

The one thing you might ask yourself, why did it take me so long?

Kelly xx